A Little Bit Addicted (12dp3dt)

After Friday's positive HPT, I got nervous Friday night that Saturday morning wouldn't be a repeat.  However, I awoke early to POAS and the line seemed clearer and perhaps a little darker and joined the other on the counter.  I feel like I have this wonderful little secret that makes me giggle or at least smile when I'm around others.

This morning I POAS again, also having a more clear and darker line, I think.  Tomorrow I run out of these tests, but I'm prepared.  I bought some of those fancy digital tests as I figure by now my HCG should be high enough to be picked up by just about any HPT (plus these claim to be very sensitive anyway) and I want that "Pregnant" word to show up on the screen.  I think I'm a bit addicted to these -- I just want to keep verifying that all is okay.  As with any addiction, I've got to break it.  I guess a beta will help with that.  It's taking things to the next level, where quantitatively numbers, not just qualitative "yes" or "no" becomes important.

I'm not sure I'm ready to believe it.  I mean, all through the day I remind myself that technically (I believe), I'm pregnant.  But then I think if I don't get sick, if the betas aren't growing, of if there isn't a heartbeat (or two)...

I've allowed myself to start reading pregnancy books, magazines, and websites which will be quickly hidden again should anything happen.  However, knowing that last time, once I was pregnant my pregnancy was very uncomplicated, I feel fairly confident that things will be okay. Except for those moments of doubt.

So tomorrow I go in for my beta!  I wonder if they will ask if I've already tested at the doctor's office?  I can't help it -- I plan on telling anyone who is there to hear.  I hope in addition to the phlebotomist, the nurses or doctor are there.  I can only spread the news with a few, so I want to spread it as far as I can.