4w5d - Confessions

So I'm feeling worried again. With the absence of being able to POAS each morning (and having it be meaningful), I am worried that things aren't progressing correctly. I don't feel sick at all, don't have tender breasts, and the only symptoms I can even say I might have are extra tiredness and gagging when I brush my teeth.

Then again, by this point last time I don't think I even knew I was pregnant. I had no signs or indications, so what am I worrying about?

Luckily, it is blood work day again, and in about 5-6 hours, I should have some indication of how things are going since my body doesn't seem to be telling me. The most important thing at this point is for the HCG to double every 48 hours. Technically my blood draws were 49 hours apart, so I am looking for the HCG to be at least 471.

Logically I don't think there will be any problem. In many ways I wish I didn't know so much to worry about -- that would make it easier. Ignorance is bliss! However, I do know a lot, and the thought of going through the lengthy IVF/FET process again (and maybe even again or again after that) gives me some extra reason to want this to stick.

After today it may even be worse. I may not go to the clinic after this for almost 3 weeks for my first u/s. Of course the u/s will be super exciting, but not having any reassurance between now and then seems impossible.

Then again, I am feeling so exhausted right now I may just go lie down for awhile while A watches a short movie. Maybe this means something after all : )