Sick, Sicker, Sickest

Well, the morning sickness has continued to get worse.  On Saturday I spent the morning running to the bathroom and hanging my head over the toilet retching because I was sure I was going to throw up.  That was the worst day, but most days I don't want to do much besides sit, and eating only helps me feel decent for a little while.  This is no worse than last time and I just toughed it out last time.  However, at Dr. H's office they've offered me medicine twice, so yesterday I decided to call in and get some.  They were really nice and did so, and I tried it out.  It doesn't make the nausea disappear, but it does reduce it back to the level I felt for the first few days, making moving around and doing things and eating easier.  However, once I was feeling better, I realized how very tired I am!

Tomorrow I have my last u/s at the clinic.  I'm still deciding on doctors, but plan to have one picked out at each hospital and ask the doctor about the hospitals and then decide.  I hope I can communicate my thanks in some way for the help on this journey in achieving our goal, which we couldn't have done on our own.

The Good news

I'm pleased to report that the OB appointment went great!  On the u/s we could see that we have 1 little baby in there with a strong heartbeat of 128 and measuring in at 7 mm.  At this point, the baby will grow 1 mm per day, so by next week when I grow back, it will double in length!

Dr. H seemed very pleased with all of this, and based on the good blood work and u/s results, said there's only about a 5% chance of failure at this point which will drop into the low single digits next week!  He said this looks to be a normal, low-risk pregnancy, so I can just choose any doctor.  Unfortunately, he didn't have any direct suggestions toward who this should be.  After the visit next week, I'll be transferred to a regular OB's care.  I have to admit I am sad to leave the comfort and efficiency of Dr. H's office.

Well, we walked out feeling great and decided to tell Audrey who is super excited!  We've sworn her to secrecy for at least a few weeks, but we'll see how that goes...

The Last (?) Big Test

Tomorrow is my first OB ultrasound at the clinic.  While for the most part, I expect it to be exciting and revealing in a good way, I have this little hint of doubt in the back of my mind.  You see, this is possibly the last (?) of the big tests.  Tomorrow Dr. H should find a heartbeat or heartbeats of the little bean or beans growing inside of me.  If the heartbeat(s) are there, then this truly is a viable pregnancy.  If they are not, or if they are not strong, then this pregnancy is likely to end.

If I can base health of a pregnancy on symptoms, then I should be good.  I have nearly-constant nausea now, sometimes mild, sometimes moderate, and occasionally severe (though I haven't thrown up yet - just gotten close).  Besides that, I am very tired and a little extra grouchy. I think maybe I have experienced some breast changes, but not nearly as noticeable as last time.

S is going to come along and we've decided not to bring A.  We've decided she'd probably pick up on what we were talking about, and there are no secrets with A.

So wish me luck and a good strong heartbeat or two!  I'll report tomorrow!

For the Record

I have spent plenty of time wondering if I was pregnant based on symptoms over the past few years.  Also, I couldn't completely remember what days everything happened on when I was pg with my dd.  So I'm going to try and put it all out here in detail so I'll have it for future reference.

The very first change I noticed with my dd was breast heaviness - not exactly soreness, just enlargement that was definitely noticeable.  This time this has not been very pronounced.  I have felt a little bit of nipple and breast tenderness at time, but not very noticeable.

On about the same day as the breast heaviness, I felt some nausea last time.  Here's the latest on nausea.  Around 5 weeks I started to feel very mildly nauseous in the evenings.  It was so mild I thought maybe I was just making it up.  However, that same feeling persisted and then became a little more intense and lengthened out to be throughout to day.  As I reported on here, the first full day of nausea was 5w4d.  It was gradual and wasn't strong for 1 1/2 weeks after a positive pg test.

Hopefully that will help if I ever get to pass through this journey again.

And the Winner is...5w5d

Irritatingly, I get set on routines, and usually the clinic calls between 1:30-2:30.  After carrying my phones around for this hour, I was really starting to worry.  Was something wrong, so the doctor would call, and not until later?  Did they forget me (which they never do)?  Finally, at 2:47 the phone rang.

Nurse M said things are looking good.  Your HCG has gone from 614 to...and this sounded like a game show when they announce a winning something...nine thousand, nine hundred nintey four! (So that's a good rise).  Wow!  It had to be at least 7500, so I'm delighted with 9994!

The next wonderful thing she said is that the will do my first ultrasound next Thursday, 5/22!  I am so excited to find out if we have one or two little wonders, and hopefully see heartbeat(s).

It is nice to have a "yes" office rather than a "no" office.  I reported that I am finally nauseous and she told me to let her know if I want some Zofran.  I reported that the PIO shots are okay, and she said to let her know if I want to switch to suppositories.  It's nice to have someone offer options instead of saying "no, I can't help."

So here's to counting down the one week and one day...

5w4d...It's Starting...Maybe

The past few days, generally in the mornings and evenings, I feel sort-of nauseous, but it's so mild that I wonder if I am making things up. Then, today I woke up feeling that way again and when my dd pushed the uneaten portion of her breakfast aside, I had to ask her if I could throw it away because the smell was making me...nauseous! Throughout the day I haven't been able to shake the nausea, and although it's mild, I think maybe it's happening. Then again, this is only one day and I don't know what tomorrow will be like. But I've earned the right to enjoy being nauseous, so hooray for nausea!

Tomorrow I have another beta at the clinic.  I am looking for a number of at least 7500 if the HCG has continued to double every 48 hours.  After knowing the first test would be a success, these repeat tests are a bit stressful!  And...hopefully, hopefully, hopefully they will schedule my first ultrasound and here's to hoping it will be before Memorial Day, not after.  S teases me in saying that is only a 4 day difference, but from my perspective, 4 days is a lot!

We've told the family members who helped us pay for IVF now - we decided it was kind of their right to know.  But they are sworn to secrecy until July.  The other recent development was visiting a friend at the other local hospital recently.  I heard it was much nicer, but in the end, it was old and a little shabby.  I'll have to do some more discovering before I decide which hospital to deliver at.  Ah, that is so crazy to say!

4w5d Results (Smile)

Okay, so I'm feeling reassured.

HCG 614 - More than doubled in the last 48 hours

Estrogen (actually estradiol) 512 - Nurse C says this is pretty much the same.  Anything within 100 points in considered the same.

Progesterone - greater than 45 - apparently the machine only goes to 45

Also, I get to go back for another beta in a week. Ah, thank goodness I don't have to wait an additional 2 1/2 for reassurance!

It's so nice to have a good clinic and patient, kind nurses and most of all, success!

4w5d - Confessions

So I'm feeling worried again. With the absence of being able to POAS each morning (and having it be meaningful), I am worried that things aren't progressing correctly. I don't feel sick at all, don't have tender breasts, and the only symptoms I can even say I might have are extra tiredness and gagging when I brush my teeth.

Then again, by this point last time I don't think I even knew I was pregnant. I had no signs or indications, so what am I worrying about?

Luckily, it is blood work day again, and in about 5-6 hours, I should have some indication of how things are going since my body doesn't seem to be telling me. The most important thing at this point is for the HCG to double every 48 hours. Technically my blood draws were 49 hours apart, so I am looking for the HCG to be at least 471.

Logically I don't think there will be any problem. In many ways I wish I didn't know so much to worry about -- that would make it easier. Ignorance is bliss! However, I do know a lot, and the thought of going through the lengthy IVF/FET process again (and maybe even again or again after that) gives me some extra reason to want this to stick.

After today it may even be worse. I may not go to the clinic after this for almost 3 weeks for my first u/s. Of course the u/s will be super exciting, but not having any reassurance between now and then seems impossible.

Then again, I am feeling so exhausted right now I may just go lie down for awhile while A watches a short movie. Maybe this means something after all : )

Beta Results are in! 13dp3dt or 4w3d pregnant!

Oh happy, happy day!  The results are in, and here are the numbers:

HCG 235.6

Estrogen 451

Progresterone is greater than 45

Nurse M reports that beta number is "strong" and that all of these results look good.  Back to the clinic on Wednesday to repeat the bloodwork to make sure everything is progressing well!

This morning I used one of those fancy digital HPTs to see the word "pregnant" come up on the screen -- it's sitting on the bathroom counter right now, smiling at me every time I go in there.

I suppose I should be more reserved and hold back on making plans, but I've waited for this for SO long.  S and I spent the weekend on "what ifs" and I had a long conversation with a friend this morning about pregnancy and babies and more.  I am determined to love and enjoy pregnancy, childbirth, and my baby/babies this time, as I don't know if I'll get this chance again. This is such a happy day.  To any other IVFers out there, know it really can happen!

A Little Bit Addicted (12dp3dt)

After Friday's positive HPT, I got nervous Friday night that Saturday morning wouldn't be a repeat.  However, I awoke early to POAS and the line seemed clearer and perhaps a little darker and joined the other on the counter.  I feel like I have this wonderful little secret that makes me giggle or at least smile when I'm around others.

This morning I POAS again, also having a more clear and darker line, I think.  Tomorrow I run out of these tests, but I'm prepared.  I bought some of those fancy digital tests as I figure by now my HCG should be high enough to be picked up by just about any HPT (plus these claim to be very sensitive anyway) and I want that "Pregnant" word to show up on the screen.  I think I'm a bit addicted to these -- I just want to keep verifying that all is okay.  As with any addiction, I've got to break it.  I guess a beta will help with that.  It's taking things to the next level, where quantitatively numbers, not just qualitative "yes" or "no" becomes important.

I'm not sure I'm ready to believe it.  I mean, all through the day I remind myself that technically (I believe), I'm pregnant.  But then I think if I don't get sick, if the betas aren't growing, of if there isn't a heartbeat (or two)...

I've allowed myself to start reading pregnancy books, magazines, and websites which will be quickly hidden again should anything happen.  However, knowing that last time, once I was pregnant my pregnancy was very uncomplicated, I feel fairly confident that things will be okay. Except for those moments of doubt.

So tomorrow I go in for my beta!  I wonder if they will ask if I've already tested at the doctor's office?  I can't help it -- I plan on telling anyone who is there to hear.  I hope in addition to the phlebotomist, the nurses or doctor are there.  I can only spread the news with a few, so I want to spread it as far as I can.

10dp3dt - "And God Remembered Kellie"

So last night I had dreams about testing this morning and finding a second line -- faint, but actually there.  When I woke up I brought myself harshly back to reality, reminding myself there would be no second line.  Nevertheless, once I was awake, I couldn't wait, so I headed to the bathroom for the infamous POAS, and though I was expecting a negative result, I was shaking the whole time.  I set the completed test on the counter, then sat on the floor with a watch and a magazine to count out the 3-minute wait.

After three minutes, I looked, and lo-and-behold, I saw that second line -- faint, but actually there.  I called S out of bed who verified that it wasn't just a figment of my imagination and then I smiled and smiled and smiled.  I can hardly tell you how incredibly wonderful I feel!

I always wondered on the forums why after ladies had a positive pregnancy test, they kept worrying, but I'm there.  I can't wait until tomorrow morning as I'm worried to see if the line is darker.  I am anxious to find out the beta number on Monday (and Wednesday!) and for the ultrasound which is only 3 weeks from Monday!

Based on the date of ER (which in this case is the date of conception), my due date will be January 9, 2009.  I can't believe I am writing that.  So I will probably have a very-close-to New Year's baby if it is a singleton, or Christmas babies if it is twins.  Thanks be to our Father in Heaven.  I feel like Rachel in the Old Testament, except putting in my own name, "And God remembered Kellie."

9dp3dt Blues

On my online forum I am communicating with two ladies who had their embryo transfers the same day I did.  They have been testing for two days now and both have been negative both days. I am convinced I am in the boat with them.  Mid-morning today I had some spotting and have felt AF-type cramps today and I'm convinced it's over.

Tonight I had to help with a baby shower.  It held back the tears through it as everyone compared pregnancies and how horrible they are and how they couldn't wait to get them over with. However, I lost it the moment I walked out the door, and cried all the way home.

When I got home there was a message from another lady on the forum who has had success before, saying she spotted and had AF cramps the time she was successful.  That thought may just help me sleep tonight.