Today I had a relatively minor disappointment. It’s related to something I have been anticipating for some time, so the “fall” felt monumental, even though, as I mentioned, it is relatively minor. Its effects are many and inconvenient, though none particularly severe. I could list all of the problems today’s disappointment is bound to create, but that’s not really the hardest part. The hardest part for me is that when I begin to feel the disappointment, it suddenly colors my whole world blue. With the opposite of rose-colored glasses on, everything seems to be going badly. The weeds in the yard are horrible. My son’s loudness is unbearable. A long afternoon at home sounds so stifling I’m not sure I can make it through. And that’s just the start of it.
I’d forgotten exactly how hard it is to stay positive amid the ups and downs related to IVF. A cyst delaying my cycle start by one or a few weeks isn’t the end of the world, but it does mean Scott won’t be able to be home in the mornings during the week of mega-monitoring, so I’ll have to find babysitters. It also means ER will be right around Audrey’s first day of school. And it means Lupron suppression for another week, which I’m personally worried about.
Yet I’ve done my best today to do things that help me feel more positive, and I can definitely report that I am feeling much better at the end of the day than I was earlier on.
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