Three Minutes, One Word

For me, there are few things that take more self-control, or are as nerve racking as a home pregnancy test (HPT). I feel so sad that there are people in the world who don't "want" this, and are upset when they see a positive result. I understand there are a myriad of circumstances, but it's just different for me. You see, it has taken so much effort for us to achieve pregnancy that it is always very wanted.

My daughter was conceived naturally, after we were told we would likely need IVF, and gave up for the time being because we didn't have the money. Since we thought we couldn't conceive on our own, it took until the 5th week of pregnancy and symptoms to show up before I even thought about testing. I remember being nervous about the home pregnancy test, but it was so unexpected it just wasn't the same.

After IVF, I can't help but think of all of the injections, appointments, pain, money and stress that went into this cycle, and the possibility of having to go through all of that again, with all of its implications. Suddenly, this little piece of plastic in my hand can tell my future, and it's really hard to wait until the result (positive or negative), should be certain.

That said, I waited it out again. Using my coupon prowess, I had my HPTs stored away, but remained in control of myself until the same day I got a positive last time (10dp3dt). To make it more difficult, the highest concentration of HCG is your first morning urine, and since HCG can be pretty low in early pregnancy, your best results will be first thing.

First hard part: not going to the bathroom all night.

Second hard part: the youth from church sleeping at your house the night before, and then occupying your single bathroom for the first 1 1/4 hours you're awake and waiting for a bathroom (and some privacy) to test!

Finally they left, and the bathroom was mine! Shaking once again, I started the test, then forced myself to read a magazine for the long, long, LONG, three minutes required for the test to run. I tiptoed over to the test, and looked.  I whispered, "there's no line -- wait, there IS a line!"

Instantly I felt a conglomeration of bliss, relief, praise, excitement, amazement -- that I must be one of the luckiest ladies around. Indecision of whether to tell Scott remotely (and immediately) or wait until he got home quickly gave way to a (rare for me) text. It was not even 7 a.m. and my kids were still sleeping, but there was no way I was going back to sleep. I posted my news on the forum, looked up my due date (May 29), and enjoyed a quiet part of an hour to thank and enjoy.

One happy day later, I used a "digi" (digital HPT) for the fun of seeing the results in words. Well, really, one word to be exact. For me, a word that is a miracle.