Tuesday morning I was back in the clinic for the revealing beta blood draw. I wanted to share my happy news with the nurse, but when I told her I had tested, she said I shouldn't have because I could have gotten a false positive. Now, if she was drawing my blood for a test, couldn't she get a false positive too? Ahem.
The nurse called and said the number was "really good." What I really wanted was the quantitative report, which she gave to me at 304! With my last IVF, I had my beta on the same day, and it was 235, so this looks even better! I thought twins until I got home and checked out betabase.info and concluded that I'm higher than average for a singleton and lower than average for twins. Personally, I think I've got one strong little babe in there, and while it's a tad disappointing, I'm also a tad relieved.
Today was my 2nd beta where they look for the numbers to at least double. My HCG was up to 672, which is double plus a little bit, so everything looks great (last IVF, my 2nd beta was 614)! I don't have to return to the clinic until 10/2 which will be my first ultrasound! I'm super-excited that it's only a little over a week away! I promise I'm practically holding my breath at every bit of cigarette smoke, exhaust, and other noxious fume I pass by to contribute to perfect organogenesis! I can't wait to hear your little bitty heart beat. Keep going little babe -- double, double!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Three Minutes, One Word
For me, there are few things that take more self-control, or are as nerve racking as a home pregnancy test (HPT). I feel so sad that there are people in the world who don't "want" this, and are upset when they see a positive result. I understand there are a myriad of circumstances, but it's just different for me. You see, it has taken so much effort for us to achieve pregnancy that it is always very wanted.
My daughter was conceived naturally, after we were told we would likely need IVF, and gave up for the time being because we didn't have the money. Since we thought we couldn't conceive on our own, it took until the 5th week of pregnancy and symptoms to show up before I even thought about testing. I remember being nervous about the home pregnancy test, but it was so unexpected it just wasn't the same.
After IVF, I can't help but think of all of the injections, appointments, pain, money and stress that went into this cycle, and the possibility of having to go through all of that again, with all of its implications. Suddenly, this little piece of plastic in my hand can tell my future, and it's really hard to wait until the result (positive or negative), should be certain.
That said, I waited it out again. Using my coupon prowess, I had my HPTs stored away, but remained in control of myself until the same day I got a positive last time (10dp3dt). To make it more difficult, the highest concentration of HCG is your first morning urine, and since HCG can be pretty low in early pregnancy, your best results will be first thing.
First hard part: not going to the bathroom all night.
Second hard part: the youth from church sleeping at your house the night before, and then occupying your single bathroom for the first 1 1/4 hours you're awake and waiting for a bathroom (and some privacy) to test!
Finally they left, and the bathroom was mine! Shaking once again, I started the test, then forced myself to read a magazine for the long, long, LONG, three minutes required for the test to run. I tiptoed over to the test, and looked. I whispered, "there's no line -- wait, there IS a line!"
Instantly I felt a conglomeration of bliss, relief, praise, excitement, amazement -- that I must be one of the luckiest ladies around. Indecision of whether to tell Scott remotely (and immediately) or wait until he got home quickly gave way to a (rare for me) text. It was not even 7 a.m. and my kids were still sleeping, but there was no way I was going back to sleep. I posted my news on the forum, looked up my due date (May 29), and enjoyed a quiet part of an hour to thank and enjoy.
One happy day later, I used a "digi" (digital HPT) for the fun of seeing the results in words. Well, really, one word to be exact. For me, a word that is a miracle.
My daughter was conceived naturally, after we were told we would likely need IVF, and gave up for the time being because we didn't have the money. Since we thought we couldn't conceive on our own, it took until the 5th week of pregnancy and symptoms to show up before I even thought about testing. I remember being nervous about the home pregnancy test, but it was so unexpected it just wasn't the same.
After IVF, I can't help but think of all of the injections, appointments, pain, money and stress that went into this cycle, and the possibility of having to go through all of that again, with all of its implications. Suddenly, this little piece of plastic in my hand can tell my future, and it's really hard to wait until the result (positive or negative), should be certain.
That said, I waited it out again. Using my coupon prowess, I had my HPTs stored away, but remained in control of myself until the same day I got a positive last time (10dp3dt). To make it more difficult, the highest concentration of HCG is your first morning urine, and since HCG can be pretty low in early pregnancy, your best results will be first thing.
First hard part: not going to the bathroom all night.
Second hard part: the youth from church sleeping at your house the night before, and then occupying your single bathroom for the first 1 1/4 hours you're awake and waiting for a bathroom (and some privacy) to test!
Finally they left, and the bathroom was mine! Shaking once again, I started the test, then forced myself to read a magazine for the long, long, LONG, three minutes required for the test to run. I tiptoed over to the test, and looked. I whispered, "there's no line -- wait, there IS a line!"
Instantly I felt a conglomeration of bliss, relief, praise, excitement, amazement -- that I must be one of the luckiest ladies around. Indecision of whether to tell Scott remotely (and immediately) or wait until he got home quickly gave way to a (rare for me) text. It was not even 7 a.m. and my kids were still sleeping, but there was no way I was going back to sleep. I posted my news on the forum, looked up my due date (May 29), and enjoyed a quiet part of an hour to thank and enjoy.
One happy day later, I used a "digi" (digital HPT) for the fun of seeing the results in words. Well, really, one word to be exact. For me, a word that is a miracle.
Friday, September 17, 2010
9dp3dt
K's head thought bubble:
If 10dp3dt was good enough to get a result last time, it must be this time, right? Then why not 9dp3dt? Will one day reeeeeeeeaaaaaally make a difference? But the line was so light last time...and on and on....
From the beginning I've planned to POAS the same day as I did last time. Thoughts like the above have definitely passed through my head many times, but I'm proud to say I've been strong. But tomorrow is finally the day.
Boy, and I nervous. I can picture myself detecting that faint pink line, and spending the day in absolute bliss. Yet I can also imagine not seeing that line, and the immediate deflating disappointment and depression (not severe -- don't worry too much, but real nonetheless) that will surely come.
If 10dp3dt was good enough to get a result last time, it must be this time, right? Then why not 9dp3dt? Will one day reeeeeeeeaaaaaally make a difference? But the line was so light last time...and on and on....
From the beginning I've planned to POAS the same day as I did last time. Thoughts like the above have definitely passed through my head many times, but I'm proud to say I've been strong. But tomorrow is finally the day.
Boy, and I nervous. I can picture myself detecting that faint pink line, and spending the day in absolute bliss. Yet I can also imagine not seeing that line, and the immediate deflating disappointment and depression (not severe -- don't worry too much, but real nonetheless) that will surely come.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Slogging through the 2-week-wait
Seven days post-transfer, I'm not always feeling as confident as I was when I wrote my last post. I don't really have a reason -- it's just that the two week wait is really, really hard.
Saturday we found out that 5 of the remaining 13 made it to freeze. 5 is a good number of frozens, but at the same time, I had thought more than 5 of 13 would make it. That was my first moment of doubt.
So I reminded myself that we transferred what looked like the very best 2 embryos last week, so that means none of those that made it to freeze looked as good as the ones we transferred (at least on day 3, doubtful voice says).
I remind myself that last time we only had 7 embroys and transferred 2 and it worked.
I remind myself that we've mostly determined where our issues lie, and those are entirely overcome by the IVF.
I remind myself I'm young.
I remind myself I've been pregnant twice before, which supposedly makes it easier for me to get pregnant again.
I remind myself I had absolutely no pregnancy symptoms last time before I had a positive pregnancy test.
All of those are great, but the fact remains that we've manipulated all we can at this point, and now we have to rely on the normal, natural processes. I have no control over these processes and at this point, I just have to wait. And it's hard.
Saturday we found out that 5 of the remaining 13 made it to freeze. 5 is a good number of frozens, but at the same time, I had thought more than 5 of 13 would make it. That was my first moment of doubt.
So I reminded myself that we transferred what looked like the very best 2 embryos last week, so that means none of those that made it to freeze looked as good as the ones we transferred (at least on day 3, doubtful voice says).
I remind myself that last time we only had 7 embroys and transferred 2 and it worked.
I remind myself that we've mostly determined where our issues lie, and those are entirely overcome by the IVF.
I remind myself I'm young.
I remind myself I've been pregnant twice before, which supposedly makes it easier for me to get pregnant again.
I remind myself I had absolutely no pregnancy symptoms last time before I had a positive pregnancy test.
All of those are great, but the fact remains that we've manipulated all we can at this point, and now we have to rely on the normal, natural processes. I have no control over these processes and at this point, I just have to wait. And it's hard.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise?
I had a speedy recovery this time, with only about 24 hours of more than moderate soreness! On Tuesday we even went on a family adventure, though Wednesday was back to the clinic for my 3 day transfer. Of the 18 eggs that were mature, 15 fertilized and there were still 15 ongoing embryos yesterday. The clinic selected two of the best, and transfer went well. My previous clinic said you could return to normal activity immediately, but this clinic recommended "24 hours of limited activity." I wouldn't have minded coming home and climbing in bed, but a busy life with other kids just didn't allow that. I have been trying to take it easy as best I can, including using my Red Robin birthday gift card to prevent making dinner last night! Now is the loooooooooong wait! My clinic makes me wait even longer than usual, so now it's time to stay busy while taking it easy -- kind of a tough combination. Otherwise, I feel 93% over ER and don't really have any other physical symptoms. Since they really did transfer embryos, I think I'll chose to consider myself pregnant until proven otherwise!
Monday, September 6, 2010
Egg Retrieval Day
Yesterday morning seemed to take forever, but finally enough time passed that it was time to leave. The babysitter arrived on time, and we were off. I quickly got checked in and hooked up, and then had quite awhile to wait. There was one ER before me, and she hadn't even started by the time I was all hooked up and waiting. Once she did go in, I knew we were finally making progress.
When she finished, I talked with the embryologist, anesthesiologist, and Dr. W (whom I hadn't met yet) and got moving. I quickly got set up in the ER and all went well. Afterward, I groggily received the news that 20 eggs were retrieved and that one ovary was surrounded by fluid, so I needed to be especially aware of symptoms of OHSS, though I would probably be okay. I hate that doctors always come tell you this so soon after leaving the OR. I tried hard to remember, but checked with my nurse once I was more lucid to make sure I had heard right. The silly clinic also forgot to tell Scott to go down and do his part until I was pretty much done, so I was ready and waiting when he came back up. Man, I wish they would get their logistics working better!
We came home and had a pretty calm rest of our day. Ian had a really tough time with mom not being able to follow him around and help him, but we made it. Sleep and pain meds are good, and I woke up today feeling good. I'm sore, but not unbearably, and want to take it easy to give myself the best chance I can, so that's what I'm trying to do.
The embryologist called this morning and reported that 18 of the 20 eggs retrieved were mature, and 15 of the 18 fertilized. Though 5-day transfers are slowly becoming a new standard, many clinics still don't have protocols that give them the best results with these. Mine is one of these, so we'll be doing a 3-day transfer Wednesday.
When she finished, I talked with the embryologist, anesthesiologist, and Dr. W (whom I hadn't met yet) and got moving. I quickly got set up in the ER and all went well. Afterward, I groggily received the news that 20 eggs were retrieved and that one ovary was surrounded by fluid, so I needed to be especially aware of symptoms of OHSS, though I would probably be okay. I hate that doctors always come tell you this so soon after leaving the OR. I tried hard to remember, but checked with my nurse once I was more lucid to make sure I had heard right. The silly clinic also forgot to tell Scott to go down and do his part until I was pretty much done, so I was ready and waiting when he came back up. Man, I wish they would get their logistics working better!
We came home and had a pretty calm rest of our day. Ian had a really tough time with mom not being able to follow him around and help him, but we made it. Sleep and pain meds are good, and I woke up today feeling good. I'm sore, but not unbearably, and want to take it easy to give myself the best chance I can, so that's what I'm trying to do.
The embryologist called this morning and reported that 18 of the 20 eggs retrieved were mature, and 15 of the 18 fertilized. Though 5-day transfers are slowly becoming a new standard, many clinics still don't have protocols that give them the best results with these. Mine is one of these, so we'll be doing a 3-day transfer Wednesday.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
On Waiting and Cycling with Children
I was thinking today how I posted yesterday that this cycle is much easier than the last, and in the ways I listed, it is. However, one way it is definitely not easier is that it's hard to cycle with two children at home, especially with a toddler-age boy. Unlike Audrey, who could sit quietly at appointments, I really can't trust Ian at appointments -- quietly or not. I'm worried that R&R will be more difficult with him around too. So that part is definitely harder.
S had to work really early this morning, so we went to bed, set the alarm clock for just before midnight, staggered out of bed, did the injection, got four more hours of sleep, and had the alarm go off for Scott to get up. I had to go into the clinic for an HCG check to be sure that the injection was effective. S was working and 7 am on Saturday is way too early to find a babysitter, so I took the kids -- boy am I glad I haven't had to do that before! Dr. C called this afternoon and said everything looks good for tomorrow!
It's one of those "waiting" days that is long and a little stressful to just be "waiting," but this is really just teh start as I'm just about to enter the dreaded "two week wait.
S had to work really early this morning, so we went to bed, set the alarm clock for just before midnight, staggered out of bed, did the injection, got four more hours of sleep, and had the alarm go off for Scott to get up. I had to go into the clinic for an HCG check to be sure that the injection was effective. S was working and 7 am on Saturday is way too early to find a babysitter, so I took the kids -- boy am I glad I haven't had to do that before! Dr. C called this afternoon and said everything looks good for tomorrow!
It's one of those "waiting" days that is long and a little stressful to just be "waiting," but this is really just teh start as I'm just about to enter the dreaded "two week wait.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Trigger Night!
As was hinted on Wednesday, tonight is trigger night and ER is Sunday! This has been a tad stressful logistically, but I think I've ironed out all my church and family responsibilities and I'm excited to finally be here!
Thursday Dr. M did my ultrasound. I think he counted around 13-15 follicles and I was excited because last time there were only about 10. I had to increase my Lupron because my progesterone was rising and they wanted to make sure I didn't ovulate too early. Dr. M confirmed I would likely have ER Sunday. The clinic also forgot to call me (talk about stressful), so I had to call back after hours to get instructions which were to d/c the Repronex.
Today lady Dr. M, whom I hadn't met, did my ultrasound. She seemed less-sure (read: slow), but also counted over 20 follicles! I don't know if yesterday's Dr. M only counted the big ones or what, but I definitely felt some excitement over possibly having so many follicles! I also felt some understanding from my "soreness," if that's what to call it - twinges of pain at many movements. Lady Dr. M said ER looked like Sunday, but was still pending on blood work. Nurse M called this afternoon and confirmed that ER is Sunday, with the HCG trigger shot at midnight tonight!
This IVF experience is so much easier the second time around. I know what to expect, I know this can work for me, I know the questions to ask, and I know that if it doesn't work this time, I'm covered for another time. One thing I do worry about is with a DD and a DS (particularly a very attached DS), I don't know how easy it's going to be to have a relaxing recovery, but that's life, I suppose.
So, it's trigger at midnight, back to the clinic for blood work in the morning, no injections tomorrow, and ER Sunday morning!
Thursday Dr. M did my ultrasound. I think he counted around 13-15 follicles and I was excited because last time there were only about 10. I had to increase my Lupron because my progesterone was rising and they wanted to make sure I didn't ovulate too early. Dr. M confirmed I would likely have ER Sunday. The clinic also forgot to call me (talk about stressful), so I had to call back after hours to get instructions which were to d/c the Repronex.
Today lady Dr. M, whom I hadn't met, did my ultrasound. She seemed less-sure (read: slow), but also counted over 20 follicles! I don't know if yesterday's Dr. M only counted the big ones or what, but I definitely felt some excitement over possibly having so many follicles! I also felt some understanding from my "soreness," if that's what to call it - twinges of pain at many movements. Lady Dr. M said ER looked like Sunday, but was still pending on blood work. Nurse M called this afternoon and confirmed that ER is Sunday, with the HCG trigger shot at midnight tonight!
This IVF experience is so much easier the second time around. I know what to expect, I know this can work for me, I know the questions to ask, and I know that if it doesn't work this time, I'm covered for another time. One thing I do worry about is with a DD and a DS (particularly a very attached DS), I don't know how easy it's going to be to have a relaxing recovery, but that's life, I suppose.
So, it's trigger at midnight, back to the clinic for blood work in the morning, no injections tomorrow, and ER Sunday morning!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
The 10%
This morning my trip to the clinic showed things are progressing nicely, I think. There were about 12 follicles in the 10-14 mm range. I know they're looking for follicles in the 18 mm range before I trigger. Dr. C said from here on out I would be returning daily with a likely ER on Sunday. Wait, Sunday? Just a few weeks ago, wasn't I sitting in Dr. M's office having him tell me they always start stims on Friday because that means 90% of women will have ER between Monday and Thursday. So what's up with a Sunday ER? Obviously, I'm not fitting neatly into that 90%. I know this seems a little extreme today because of the logistical difficulties this Sunday ER creates, and extra emotions I'm currently carrying around. However, it has brought some reflection on the fact that I often feel like I'm on the outside 10%. Things just don't seem to happen for me the same as they do for everyone else. This isn't necessarily a complaint -- it makes things sometimes better, sometimes worse. Sometimes it just feels lonely because nobody else has experienced it the way I have.
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