The IVF Influence

Ten years ago I studied abroad in the middle east.  This evening I was contacted by a fellow student who is organizing a ten year reunion. While it was a life-changing experience, I won't be traveling to a faraway state to attend the reunion. They asked for contact information, and I provided a minimal amount. If someone really wants to get ahold of me, they will be able to from what I provided.

I also provided a picture of my family. I didn't provide details, like my husband's name or occupation, names or ages of children, or location. They'll have to guess that from the picture.

Then, I thought about who I am inside, wishing perhaps some of it could show from the picture.

Since that study abroad, I've lived in one other country and 5 other states. I've struggled through infertility including months upon months of trying to conceive naturally and the emotionally jarring repetitious failures; 6 clomid cycles; 4 IUI's; 1 IVF and I'm about to embark upon another.

I come from a culture where children are common; expected; plentiful.

While statistically there must be a few who have "been there," all of the others are still oblivious.

Do they know I'm strong? Do they know what I've opaquely sacrificed for those transparently far-spaced children? Do they know the dark, sad moments? Do they know what it takes to support my husband and his unique career?

I am shaped unchangeably but where I've been and what I've experienced.  I don't wish upon anyone to have to struggle through IVF, but I want to be understood for who I really am.