Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Yes Victoria, I Am Nauseous
For the record, yes, I am nauseous. It was off-and-on mind for the last few days of the 5th week of pregnancy, and is most of the day from the first day of the 6th week. It has been mild to moderate so far, and I've only wished for Zofran a few times. I'm expecting it to get worse, but since it's still mild to moderate, controlling it with food is working okay so far. That's good, because it's going to take a miracle to get enough Zofran to control things when it gets worse.
Salt...of the Earth?
Probably more than any other pregnancy, I find myself craving things this time. It isn't that I have to have a particular food, but there are definitely things that sound good at certain times. Notably, I have been craving things with salt. Think guacamole with salty tortilla chips, ramen noodles, humus with seasoned pita bread, and adding salt to my roast beef. Arby's sandwiches and fries have definitely hit the spot, and a Wetzel's pretzel didn't do too badly either. I think maybe I'll buy a bag of Cheetos one of these days to follow up the bag of nacho cheese Doritos that adorned our taco salads last week.
It helps that this time we're "rich" enough. No, we're not rich. We just have a little more this time, so I feel like I can actually buy something special for myself when it sounds good. Not everything special, and not every time it sounds good. Just one thing a week when I'm at the grocery store.
But I'm telling you, whatever it is, it better be salty!
"No" Doctors
I really don't like "no" doctors, or "no" people in general. They're the ones who tell you "no" to almost everything.
Like the doctor who did my ultrasound the other day. After waiting for nearly 2 hours on a Saturday, at least half of which was walking up and down the hall in plain sight of the doctor with "I", who couldn't take the waiting room, there was "no" apology when it was finally my turn.
[Thankfully, the ultrasound went great. We could see the sac, yolk sac, and see and hear the heartbeat at 104, which is good for this stage. Everything measured perfectly. There was a possible "second sac," but it wasn't as big and didn't have the same definition or a heartbeat like the first, and the doctor didn't think it would go anywhere.]
After that, the "nos" really started. Can I return to vigorous exercise? No! Your heartbeat must stay under 140. Can I have some anti-nauea medicine? Well, I guess so, but you really can't be sick yet -- that doesn't start until around 8 weeks (regardless of the fact that it has, and did on my other 2 pregnancies as well).
Following all of this, the insurance says "no" to covering prenatal vitamins and "no" to any more than 9 Zofran pills in a month! No mention of exceptions until I asked, and no phone number for that until I asked.
Boy, these people really drive me nuts!
Like the doctor who did my ultrasound the other day. After waiting for nearly 2 hours on a Saturday, at least half of which was walking up and down the hall in plain sight of the doctor with "I", who couldn't take the waiting room, there was "no" apology when it was finally my turn.
[Thankfully, the ultrasound went great. We could see the sac, yolk sac, and see and hear the heartbeat at 104, which is good for this stage. Everything measured perfectly. There was a possible "second sac," but it wasn't as big and didn't have the same definition or a heartbeat like the first, and the doctor didn't think it would go anywhere.]
After that, the "nos" really started. Can I return to vigorous exercise? No! Your heartbeat must stay under 140. Can I have some anti-nauea medicine? Well, I guess so, but you really can't be sick yet -- that doesn't start until around 8 weeks (regardless of the fact that it has, and did on my other 2 pregnancies as well).
Following all of this, the insurance says "no" to covering prenatal vitamins and "no" to any more than 9 Zofran pills in a month! No mention of exceptions until I asked, and no phone number for that until I asked.
Boy, these people really drive me nuts!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Beta, Beta, Double, Double
Tuesday morning I was back in the clinic for the revealing beta blood draw. I wanted to share my happy news with the nurse, but when I told her I had tested, she said I shouldn't have because I could have gotten a false positive. Now, if she was drawing my blood for a test, couldn't she get a false positive too? Ahem.
The nurse called and said the number was "really good." What I really wanted was the quantitative report, which she gave to me at 304! With my last IVF, I had my beta on the same day, and it was 235, so this looks even better! I thought twins until I got home and checked out betabase.info and concluded that I'm higher than average for a singleton and lower than average for twins. Personally, I think I've got one strong little babe in there, and while it's a tad disappointing, I'm also a tad relieved.
Today was my 2nd beta where they look for the numbers to at least double. My HCG was up to 672, which is double plus a little bit, so everything looks great (last IVF, my 2nd beta was 614)! I don't have to return to the clinic until 10/2 which will be my first ultrasound! I'm super-excited that it's only a little over a week away! I promise I'm practically holding my breath at every bit of cigarette smoke, exhaust, and other noxious fume I pass by to contribute to perfect organogenesis! I can't wait to hear your little bitty heart beat. Keep going little babe -- double, double!
The nurse called and said the number was "really good." What I really wanted was the quantitative report, which she gave to me at 304! With my last IVF, I had my beta on the same day, and it was 235, so this looks even better! I thought twins until I got home and checked out betabase.info and concluded that I'm higher than average for a singleton and lower than average for twins. Personally, I think I've got one strong little babe in there, and while it's a tad disappointing, I'm also a tad relieved.
Today was my 2nd beta where they look for the numbers to at least double. My HCG was up to 672, which is double plus a little bit, so everything looks great (last IVF, my 2nd beta was 614)! I don't have to return to the clinic until 10/2 which will be my first ultrasound! I'm super-excited that it's only a little over a week away! I promise I'm practically holding my breath at every bit of cigarette smoke, exhaust, and other noxious fume I pass by to contribute to perfect organogenesis! I can't wait to hear your little bitty heart beat. Keep going little babe -- double, double!
Monday, September 20, 2010
Three Minutes, One Word
For me, there are few things that take more self-control, or are as nerve racking as a home pregnancy test (HPT). I feel so sad that there are people in the world who don't "want" this, and are upset when they see a positive result. I understand there are a myriad of circumstances, but it's just different for me. You see, it has taken so much effort for us to achieve pregnancy that it is always very wanted.
My daughter was conceived naturally, after we were told we would likely need IVF, and gave up for the time being because we didn't have the money. Since we thought we couldn't conceive on our own, it took until the 5th week of pregnancy and symptoms to show up before I even thought about testing. I remember being nervous about the home pregnancy test, but it was so unexpected it just wasn't the same.
After IVF, I can't help but think of all of the injections, appointments, pain, money and stress that went into this cycle, and the possibility of having to go through all of that again, with all of its implications. Suddenly, this little piece of plastic in my hand can tell my future, and it's really hard to wait until the result (positive or negative), should be certain.
That said, I waited it out again. Using my coupon prowess, I had my HPTs stored away, but remained in control of myself until the same day I got a positive last time (10dp3dt). To make it more difficult, the highest concentration of HCG is your first morning urine, and since HCG can be pretty low in early pregnancy, your best results will be first thing.
First hard part: not going to the bathroom all night.
Second hard part: the youth from church sleeping at your house the night before, and then occupying your single bathroom for the first 1 1/4 hours you're awake and waiting for a bathroom (and some privacy) to test!
Finally they left, and the bathroom was mine! Shaking once again, I started the test, then forced myself to read a magazine for the long, long, LONG, three minutes required for the test to run. I tiptoed over to the test, and looked. I whispered, "there's no line -- wait, there IS a line!"
Instantly I felt a conglomeration of bliss, relief, praise, excitement, amazement -- that I must be one of the luckiest ladies around. Indecision of whether to tell Scott remotely (and immediately) or wait until he got home quickly gave way to a (rare for me) text. It was not even 7 a.m. and my kids were still sleeping, but there was no way I was going back to sleep. I posted my news on the forum, looked up my due date (May 29), and enjoyed a quiet part of an hour to thank and enjoy.
One happy day later, I used a "digi" (digital HPT) for the fun of seeing the results in words. Well, really, one word to be exact. For me, a word that is a miracle.
My daughter was conceived naturally, after we were told we would likely need IVF, and gave up for the time being because we didn't have the money. Since we thought we couldn't conceive on our own, it took until the 5th week of pregnancy and symptoms to show up before I even thought about testing. I remember being nervous about the home pregnancy test, but it was so unexpected it just wasn't the same.
After IVF, I can't help but think of all of the injections, appointments, pain, money and stress that went into this cycle, and the possibility of having to go through all of that again, with all of its implications. Suddenly, this little piece of plastic in my hand can tell my future, and it's really hard to wait until the result (positive or negative), should be certain.
That said, I waited it out again. Using my coupon prowess, I had my HPTs stored away, but remained in control of myself until the same day I got a positive last time (10dp3dt). To make it more difficult, the highest concentration of HCG is your first morning urine, and since HCG can be pretty low in early pregnancy, your best results will be first thing.
First hard part: not going to the bathroom all night.
Second hard part: the youth from church sleeping at your house the night before, and then occupying your single bathroom for the first 1 1/4 hours you're awake and waiting for a bathroom (and some privacy) to test!
Finally they left, and the bathroom was mine! Shaking once again, I started the test, then forced myself to read a magazine for the long, long, LONG, three minutes required for the test to run. I tiptoed over to the test, and looked. I whispered, "there's no line -- wait, there IS a line!"
Instantly I felt a conglomeration of bliss, relief, praise, excitement, amazement -- that I must be one of the luckiest ladies around. Indecision of whether to tell Scott remotely (and immediately) or wait until he got home quickly gave way to a (rare for me) text. It was not even 7 a.m. and my kids were still sleeping, but there was no way I was going back to sleep. I posted my news on the forum, looked up my due date (May 29), and enjoyed a quiet part of an hour to thank and enjoy.
One happy day later, I used a "digi" (digital HPT) for the fun of seeing the results in words. Well, really, one word to be exact. For me, a word that is a miracle.
Friday, September 17, 2010
9dp3dt
K's head thought bubble:
If 10dp3dt was good enough to get a result last time, it must be this time, right? Then why not 9dp3dt? Will one day reeeeeeeeaaaaaally make a difference? But the line was so light last time...and on and on....
From the beginning I've planned to POAS the same day as I did last time. Thoughts like the above have definitely passed through my head many times, but I'm proud to say I've been strong. But tomorrow is finally the day.
Boy, and I nervous. I can picture myself detecting that faint pink line, and spending the day in absolute bliss. Yet I can also imagine not seeing that line, and the immediate deflating disappointment and depression (not severe -- don't worry too much, but real nonetheless) that will surely come.
If 10dp3dt was good enough to get a result last time, it must be this time, right? Then why not 9dp3dt? Will one day reeeeeeeeaaaaaally make a difference? But the line was so light last time...and on and on....
From the beginning I've planned to POAS the same day as I did last time. Thoughts like the above have definitely passed through my head many times, but I'm proud to say I've been strong. But tomorrow is finally the day.
Boy, and I nervous. I can picture myself detecting that faint pink line, and spending the day in absolute bliss. Yet I can also imagine not seeing that line, and the immediate deflating disappointment and depression (not severe -- don't worry too much, but real nonetheless) that will surely come.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Slogging through the 2-week-wait
Seven days post-transfer, I'm not always feeling as confident as I was when I wrote my last post. I don't really have a reason -- it's just that the two week wait is really, really hard.
Saturday we found out that 5 of the remaining 13 made it to freeze. 5 is a good number of frozens, but at the same time, I had thought more than 5 of 13 would make it. That was my first moment of doubt.
So I reminded myself that we transferred what looked like the very best 2 embryos last week, so that means none of those that made it to freeze looked as good as the ones we transferred (at least on day 3, doubtful voice says).
I remind myself that last time we only had 7 embroys and transferred 2 and it worked.
I remind myself that we've mostly determined where our issues lie, and those are entirely overcome by the IVF.
I remind myself I'm young.
I remind myself I've been pregnant twice before, which supposedly makes it easier for me to get pregnant again.
I remind myself I had absolutely no pregnancy symptoms last time before I had a positive pregnancy test.
All of those are great, but the fact remains that we've manipulated all we can at this point, and now we have to rely on the normal, natural processes. I have no control over these processes and at this point, I just have to wait. And it's hard.
Saturday we found out that 5 of the remaining 13 made it to freeze. 5 is a good number of frozens, but at the same time, I had thought more than 5 of 13 would make it. That was my first moment of doubt.
So I reminded myself that we transferred what looked like the very best 2 embryos last week, so that means none of those that made it to freeze looked as good as the ones we transferred (at least on day 3, doubtful voice says).
I remind myself that last time we only had 7 embroys and transferred 2 and it worked.
I remind myself that we've mostly determined where our issues lie, and those are entirely overcome by the IVF.
I remind myself I'm young.
I remind myself I've been pregnant twice before, which supposedly makes it easier for me to get pregnant again.
I remind myself I had absolutely no pregnancy symptoms last time before I had a positive pregnancy test.
All of those are great, but the fact remains that we've manipulated all we can at this point, and now we have to rely on the normal, natural processes. I have no control over these processes and at this point, I just have to wait. And it's hard.
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