Not Difficult, But Not Routine

Two days of Lupron injections into it, I find that injections are not difficult, but they are still far from routine for me, making each day a distinct and memorable experience.  I'm sure this will change eventually, but for now, here's how things are going.

I had to work the evening of my first injection, and since the timing of the injections matters, the injection had to be done at work.  I am visible in my job, so if I leave my post, it is obvious. However, everyone has to go to the bathroom sometime, so I decided to stage it like a bathroom trip.  I grabbed a sheet of legal-size paper and my purse (secretly containing all my injection supplies) and like Superman, headed for the handicapped stall in the bathroom to make my transformation.  After a quick hand-washing stop, I sat down behind the conveniently located wall in the stall, put the paper down on the floor to serve as a more sanitary work space, and got down to it.

I cleaned the medicine bottle, opened and drew up the syringe, cleaned my skin, and voila! Nothing to it!  The injection was accomplished... but what was this... someone else in this never-used bathroom?  I couldn't decide if I should make noise so they could tell someone was behind that closed door, or not, so they would assume nobody else was there.

I guess I should have made some noise, because they tried to come and open the stall.  "Just a minute" was all I could think to say, feeling a bit awkward.  Luckily, they took care of business and left the bathroom.  I packed up my supplies, waited a moment, and left unseen in all of my superhero glory.

The next night we were supposed to be at a friend's house for dinner at injection time, so I had plans to pack everything along again.  However, her kids and mine got sick, so it was cancelled and I thought I could have my injection at home in peace.

However, I happened to be on the phone with my mom at injection time, and didn't exactly want to hang up, so I started into it with the phone clamped between my ear and my shoulder. Lucky for me, S came home during this time, and decided he wanted to administer the shot. After reminding him to wash his hands, he did a great job, and I was so proud of him for doing it (he was grossed out when I gave myself Ovidrel injections previously) and happy for him to be able to participate in part of the process.

Tonight's injection will be at work again, but this is my last night of work, so maybe I'll get a calm and relaxed injection night yet.

The next step to come will be to [finally] remove the birth control patch Saturday morning (after 31 days on active birth control!). After that comes a period, then into the clinic for baseline ultrasound and blood work.  When all goes well there, I'll start stims (follicle stimulating hormone injections - the real deal) and egg retrieval will be less than two weeks away!

Excited About What?

The excitement started at 8 a.m. this morning when the doorbell rang. No, wait, I take it back. It started at 5:45 a.m. when I woke up, because the first thought on my mind was: "I get my schedule and have injection teaching today!"

I planned to be home for most of the morning for my first package from the pharmacy to arrive. That's why the 8 a.m. doorbell was especially exciting - my wait was over.

It's ridiculous, but it was like opening a Christmas package. What sort of goodies could be inside? However, instead of candy and toys I poured over medicine, needles and a HIPPA form. They were thoughtful enough to include Bath & Body Works Antibacterial Foaming Soap, so maybe I'm not totally crazy - that's exciting, right?

The next Christmas present was the folder of papers I received at the clinic including...da da da da...my schedule. The hidden surprises on the schedule include:

1. Only 3 firm dates on the schedule (I was expecting tentative versions of them all), but it's a start, and while adjustable by a few days, from my research I can figure at least the general timing for everything.

2. I will be doing not 1, not 2, but 3 subcutaneous injections most days. Remind me again, why am I so excited?

3. At least 4 medications I wasn't expecting to take on the schedule. I really will be a walking drugstore.

I've got some cycle buddies on ivfconnections.com and we are titling our posts with our current day status. Today's post title read Day 23 of BCP, 3 days to Lupron. I can hardly believe a number that low is finally associated with this! Let the games begin.

The Dreaded Missed Phone Call

In the paradoxical stress-free and stress-filled holding pattern of waiting to know what comes next, I have spent much time wondering when I would get the phone call that would get the ball rolling. Every day I hoped it would be the day, but my waiting was in vain,  and the week passed uneventfully.  

Confession: we have a cell phone, but mostly for emergency situations, and are certainly not attached to it.  Only on days when I expect a call from the clinic do I compulsively carry it everywhere with me, ringer turned all the way up.

Friday afternoon as we headed out to go hiking, S decided we had better bring the cell phone and upon picking it up, he immediately dialed into the voice mail -- we had missed a call.  He then handed me the phone, because guess who it was from!  Ahhh!  Frustration of frustration: the RE's office closes at 2 p.m. Friday and it was now 4 p.m.  And the call had been on Thursday at 11 a.m.  Grrr!  Almost 36 hours ago I could have been thus enlightened.

My calendar is ready and it's time for the injections teaching!  Injections start March 29th, so call for an appointment before then.  Oh, and a difficult choice -- would I like to choose progesterone vaginal suppositories or IM injections?  Pick your punishment...

I calculated in my mind what this must mean if I am going to be starting injections in less than a week.  Is it an agonist or antagonist protocol?  If ER is scheduled generally for mid-April, it must be Lupron.  This puts ER somewhere around April 19-20, but that is a weekend, so probably sometime before or after that.  Wow!  I'm so excited -- it's actually coming, and it's starting soon!  (It is so strange that I am excited to start giving myself daily shots!)

So the injections class is tomorrow.  The pharmacy called and the Lupron should arrive tomorrow as well.  It really is going to happen.  Brilliant.

Baby Steps

While I chose the name of this post because of the many tiny steps it feels like we are taking to get anywhere, I suppose each of these small steps brings us closer to a baby.

It's been almost six weeks since my last ultrasound at the doctor's office.  This is a bit strange as I've had some sort of girlie exam every 2-4 weeks for about 18 months.  However, since my RE only does IVF four times each year, after the last unsuccessful IUI, I met with the doctor about moving on to IVF, but the next IVF cycle wasn't until April so I have had some time off.

I jumped back into it today.  It's curious - my RE can tell I am fairly knowledgeable about IVF by questions I ask, but sometimes he is very specific and sometimes he is not.  He always tells me what he is doing, but not always by the scientific names.  So today I believe I had a mock transfer, sonohystogram, and endometrial biopsy.  

Actually, in the end they weren't that bad.  A little uncomfortable with a full bladder and various things going in and out, but no lasting effects, and good results.  He didn't find any fibroids, polyps or anything else of concern, so we've taken the next step and are awaiting further instructions.

So I Guess I Shouldn't Worry About That

I started on the suppression phase a week ago.  This means hormonal birth control.  My RE asked if I'd ever used a birth control patch.  While generally a very kind and conservative person, my first reaction was to laugh in his face.  Abstinent until marriage, I've spent at least two thirds of my married life pregnant or trying to become so.  My experience with birth control methods isn't exactly broad.  I told my RE I didn't care -- whatever he recommended would be fine with me.  So he prescribed the patch.

I applied the patch a little over a week ago.  The first day I felt it with every move I made, kept checking it was in place, that I wasn't creasing it when I sat or moved.  After awhile, I realized I couldn't do this endlessly.  However, I then became obsessed with checking if the edges were coming off every time my stomach was exposed, wondering if they were off far enough that I should change the patch early, wondering if everything was going to be thrown off by this silly method of birth control.

I consider myself "tough" and able to handle just about anything.  The nausea didn't phase me, and I decided I would stick it out a week and reevaluate then.  After a week of obsessive patch-checking, it was finally time to change the patch.  Easy as ripping off a band-aid?  Not quite.  I stared to peel it off and it was stuck.  Ouch!  Hair-pulling, skin-reddening stuck.  Even if I wanted to pull it off quick to get it over with, it wouldn't have been possible with adhesive that strong.  

After much hair pulling, I finally got it off and hopped in the shower, hoping to wash off that annoying black ring of lint and adhesive.  It didn't wash off.  I had read in the patient literature that baby oil would take it off. Unfortunately, I didn't have any baby oil in the house, so I went for the rubbing alcohol instead and got most of it off.  I reapplied the new patch to go through it all again next Wednesday.  

Guess I don't have to worry about that pesky patch coming off any more.

To Somebody and Nobody

It's already been a long journey.  

For the second time, a year of trying to conceive.  Six months of Clomid interrupted by an ovarian cystectomy, the cyst being caused by the Clomid. Four IUI's.  Two-and-a-half years total. 

Since we miraculously conceived our darling daughter after 13 months of trying on our own, somehow I never thought we'd get here, but here we are.  We're going to do IVF.  

Actually, after the long journey, I'm really excited to be here, accessing the best modern science has to offer.  Yet it's such an emotionally complex time I want someone to share it with.  My husband (S) has become much better over the years and is supportive and excited in his own way, but that's it, it's his own way and he simply isn't interested in hearing the details to the degree I want to share them.

I have kind friends who are supportive and politely inquiring, but this is so detailed and complex, and none that have been through this personally.  After reading some other blogs of those doing IVF, I decided I'd write my own blog.  Perhaps nobody will read it, perhaps someone will.  So I send this out into the cosmos, if for nothing else, as a journal I can personally reference of this experience.  If you read it and find it helpful at all, I have found a greater purpose.